Sapphire Shadows
by Serenity Wintirs
Summary: Alec comes to a very difficult decision concerning his relationship with Max. Lots of angst, because angst rocks! Oneshot for now but I may add more later.


How many times would he let her do this to him? Everytime he thought he was making a breakthrough, she would resurrect her stone wall and would once again be untouchable. He didn't know how much longer he could stand it. Alec bristled his fingers through his short hair and signed heavily. Closing his eyes in fatigue and sitting forward as he waited for her to come home. When he finally heard the key turning in the lock he winced tightly, preparing himself for what he knew that he had to do. It was now or never. As Max walked through the door and carelessly tossed her backpack onto the couch next to him, Alec brought cold stony eyes to rest upon her. As much as he hated himself for what he was about to do, he knew that he had no other way. And there was no way that she would ever know how much this was killing him.

"Max... we need to talk," he said huskily, waiting for her response. But it never came. Instead she just stood there. As if she had known that this very thing were going to happen. The fact that she had been expecting this frightened Alec more than anything. "I can't take this anymore. You pretend like everything's okay, but then you got out night after night instead of being here with me. And... and I know that it's not okay." Alec paused to take a steady breath. He was about to break down and he simply could not allow that to happen. She would never look at him the same way if she knew the power she had over him. If she knew how weak she could make him.

Once Alec had his emotions in check, he stood up and walked in front of her, forcing her to look at him. "We can't do this anymore. Max...I can't do this anymore. You can't be with Logan so you settled for me instead. But it's still him that you love. It's still him that breathes and beats inside of you and no virus is ever going to change that. I thought that in time you would learn to forget. Learn to get over him. That you would learn to love me instead," he added, barely above a whisper.

"But that is never going to happen and I am tired of holding on to false hope. Of holding onto you when you are still holding onto him. Max, I love you...but I can't be with you if I can't really be with you. Every night, you leave and you seek company and comfort in the arms of strangers. Instead of coming home to me. You hate me for taking you away from him and that hurts more than anything. I can't live with you hating me for one more day. Not when it's something that I have the power to change. So just tell me one thing Maxie," Alec asked weakly, a strange pleading look in his eyes with just a hint of something else. Hope, maybe? "Do you love me... at all? Even in the slightest? Just tell me the truth Max," he added, the pleading look growing stronger as he did. "I can't take anymore lies. Not from you. Please Maxie, it's killing me."

He watched as her face showed a million different conflicting emotions, each one more intense than the last. Finally her turmoil seemed to settle and she looked at him - not with the pity he had been expecting, thank god!- but with compassion. With understanding. And...gratitude. "Alec, I am so sorry," she began, but he quickly stopped her with a small wave of his hand and a horrendous look of pain. "No Maxie. Say anything to me but that. No apologies. Just tell me straight up. Don't sugarcoat anything for crying aloud! Just tell me how you feel for once!" Max blinked harshly at his tone, hating herself for what she was about to do to him, but knowing that it had to be done. He was asking for the truth afterall. "Alec... I will always love Logan. I can't help that. I wish I could...but I can't. And there was barely even room in my heart for him, but he somehow found room."

Alec squeezed his eyes shut in pain, finally having his answer. "Just go," he rasped out harshly. "Alec, please don't do this. I may not love you in the way that you want, but you are my friend and I do need you. Please don't push me away," she responded with soft, sad eyes but he refused to so much as look at her. "Max, just... go. Please. Max looked down sadly, knowing that he was right. He had given her an ultimatum and she chose Logan, whom she could never really be with anyway. Alec was setting her free and for that she was very thankful, even if it meant losing him as a friend which had been the last thing that she wanted. But she was so tired of pretending. And Alec wasn't asking her to anymore.

As Max packed her things in silence, Alec sat staring straight ahead, trying to force his mind into a blissfully numb state. He was so preoccupied with achieving this that he barely even noticed that Max was now standing at the door and speaking to him. "What, so now you won't even acknowledge my presence? That's really mature Alec." When he realized what she had just said he momentarily forgot everything that had happened between them and allowed his smart-aleck side to take over. "Bite me," he responded dryly, his eyes taking on a sarcastic glare. Then once again glazing over with pain as reality came rushing back. Max didn't notice right away and actually found herself smiling at their familiar banter. God she had missed this. After a few moments, an unnerving silence took over and they both stared at one another, unsure what to say.

Max grabbed her bags off of the floor and used her shoulder to help her nudge open the door, not really expecting Alec to help after what had happened. And he didn't disappoint as he just sat there and watched her struggle with the door. Once Max finally had it open, she took a step forward but couldn't resist turning back to him at the last moment. "Alec... are we going to be okay?" Alec just stared at her for a few moments, his face an expressionless mask of well hidden emotions. What seemed like an eternity passed in silence and Alec still didn't answer. Max turned around again and just as she was about to leave, she heard a faint whisper as Alec finally answered her. "We just might Maxie. One of these days, maybe." 


End file.
